god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
