Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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