He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
