She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
