I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
