I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
