I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
