I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
