I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
