opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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