dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
