am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
