Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
