They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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