Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
