Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
