The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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