If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
