I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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