we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
