She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
