fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
