i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
