dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
