From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
