Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
