peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
