I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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