So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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