Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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