It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
