My underwear smells like fireworks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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