yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
