brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
