I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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