I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
