There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
