It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
