She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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