life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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