"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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