ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
