if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
