You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
