Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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