I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
