never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
