No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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