just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
