he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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