you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
