Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
