you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
