you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
